Thursday, March 20, 2008

"They Gotta Move Christmas to July" or Why Chicago O'Hare Sucks or A Few Notes on Midwest Holiday Travel

So F'ing tired, and I haven't even done anything.

Damn, it's snowing...again. Only today. Delay my flight back to NYC, not to Michigan! I have plans in Michigan that I would rather not miss.

At least I'm getting food. I won't be as cranky, hopefully. I HAVE to make that flight! But, on the other hand, staying in a hotel is not the worst thing that could happen...the logistics of all of this amazes me!

Why is that girl glaring at me? It's disconcerting and obnoxious.

There is nothing so cliche as a mid 40s woman sitting in a restaraunt by herself drinking a maritini, maybe she was put there for my amusement!

And I though I was frustrated. At least I am not traveling with a baby AND a toddler! They will most definately be on my flight though, sitting, if not next to, behind me...kicking my seat.

Boy, I certainly would have killed someone by now if I hadn't quit smoking. Why is it that they trap smokers inside under these stressful circumstances. O'Hare should really have at least 100 smoking rooms!

The important thing is to think positively, if there is a gate change, or two or ten it can always mean that there is a plane at that gate!

Yelling really doesn't ever accomplish anything. I think that is the most important thing to take from all of this.

Why would a hotel that has guests that leave at 5am in the morning have DECAF cinnamon tea in the lobby rather than good 'ol fashioned coffee?

It's amazing how being cranky and irritable after a day of stressful waiting can make you cry, for no reason. And why is waiting so tiring?

After all of the chaos yesterday a clam seems to have swept over O'Hare. It's quieter and there are less people. Everyone has gotten rest and now we will try to get to where we are going again. Hopefully it works this time and hopefully I can get to NYC tomorrow wothout any trouble and I can get my bag before I leave.

I hate men who think it's ok to wear socks with sandals.

I like that flight crews say things like "I'm just waiting for a plane" like, "I'm just waiting to use that pen" or "We are just waiting for a crew."

Friday, December 21, 2007

Steve

I have a crush. On a customer. Again.

He is funny. He is a smart ass.

His presence makes me knock things over. Drop things. Trip.

I get excited when he comes in.
I laugh too much.
I talk too loud.
I blush too deeply.
My adrenaline rushes so hard while he sits in the cafe that I get exhausted when he leaves.

He likes me too. I can tell. You can always tell. There is a difference between the customers who like flirting with you, the customers that think you are cute/hot and the customers that are actually interested.
The interested ones ask questions about your life outside the coffee shop. He will try to get you to cross the sacred barrier between the counter and the cafe. He will ask you out.
If you are not interested he is always easy to deflect. When the moment is right, there is no one else at the counter, your co-workers are elsewhere working he will ask when you get off of work. He will offer drinks. If he particularly dense he will ask you out to coffee. If you are not interested you simply reply that you have plans with your boyfriend, but thanks for asking, maybe another time? It does not matter if you have a boyfriend or not, use this excuse.

If you are interested, say yes.

What if you suspect a girlfriend?
How do you find out?

He asked me out once, twice, three times. I said no all three times.
I don't know why.
Because I didn;t know him that well yet, he was still a new customer.
Because I am an idiot.
The third time she was there. He asked me to lunch. I said no because I actually did have plans that time. I would have said yes otherwise.
She watched us talk, flirt, exchange glances.
After that, the offers stopped.
After that she stopped coming in.
After that we had a party for our customers.
She was with him the whole time.
When she wasn't, I would move in. She would appear a minute later on the other side of him, or jam herself in between us.
As she got drunker she touched him more. Got closer. Displayed her possesion of him.
He didn't stop it, but he never initiated it either. He never displayed exclusive intrest in her. He still paid most of his attention to me.

I don't know what to think.
He does not come in as frequently.
But when he does there is a spark. It hits me in the chest. Shocks me.
Makes me trip.

We will find out.
Coffee girls react as a pack in a case like this.
We use our wiles, resources, connections and inside scoops to get to the bottom of any situation worth our attention.

Time to set the girls to work.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Men vs. Women/Out From Behind The Counter

There is a big difference between why women visit coffee shops and why men visit coffee shops.

For women a coffee shop is a place to get coffee before, during and after work.
It's a place to chat with the girls behind the counter and to get away from work for awhile.
It's a place to go with your girlfriends, to spend time together, have lunch, drink tea and chat.

For men a coffee shop is a place to get coffee before, during and after work.
It's a place to chat with the girls behind the counter and to get away from work for awhile.
It's a place to bring your buddies so they can get lunch and some coffee and chat with the girls behind the counter.

Women come to get coffee. Men come for a lot more reasons than just that.
Most shops are operated by girls.
Most shops have cute, artsy, smart alecky, intelligent girls working behind the counter.
What is more intriguing than someone you see everyday for only a few minutes at a time?
You get small doses of each other.
You get to know each other in a very deep but basic way.
You see these people before they have hadtheir caffine, and they see you before you have had yours. How intimate.

No wonder crushes between customer and coffee girl occur on a regular basis.
No wonder sexual trysts happen after a night of drinking together.
No wonder customers are so eager to drag the coffee girl out from behind the counter.
Once you have crossed that barrier there is no going back.

Although it can be exhilarating and wonderful, the customer/coffee girl relationship is wrought with dangers.
-It is awkward to serve someone you are dating and/or fucking.
-If things go sour, the coffee shop loses at least one customer.
-The coffee girls can get a reputation for themselves, this can bring in more people, or scare business away, that all depends on the location of the shop and the customer base.

The key is to keep the male customer guessing.
Are they flirting with me because they have to or because they want to?
Did they give me a free pastry today because I'm a good customer or because they want me?
Was she blushing or was the steam wand making her hot?

Too Good For Coffee?

I am suspicious of people who do not drink coffee.
I know that sometimes it is related to a heart condition, so that is ok by me.
But when it is someone young? I don't get it.

They act so superior because they don't drink coffee.

Tea drinkers are the worst. What snobs. They curl their lips and sneer when asked if they want a cup 'o joe. And they have to, have to, have to inform me that they do not drink coffee. In the smugest way possible.
I make them their green tea. Smiling to myself. Knowing that tea always costs more than coffee.

You Are What You Drink

I judge people based on what kind of coffee they drink. Is that wrong?

Men should really avoid flavored coffee of any kind when ordering from me.
I think you're a pansy if you order a hazelnut latte.
Drink black coffee, espresso, cappuccino, latte, even black tea, but please avoid all things with words like pumkpin, raspberry, cider, chai, or french vanilla. Never french vanilla!

The same goes for alcohol.
Men should never drink anything that isn't clear or some shade of brown.

Smell

I think, no matter what I end up doing with mylife, I will forever more smell like coffee. Of course figuring out what to do with my life is a challenge unto itself. And for almost 30 years the purpose has eluded me. But now...I still have no clue.