ESP

Note to all patrons of every coffee shop everywhere in the world:

All Baristas have disabled their ESP for the time being, so please be sure to tell they what you want, they are unable to read you mind at the moment.

Thank you.

Black Coffee

"Can I get a black coffee with skim milk, please?"

What? If it has milk in it, it isn't black...or is it just me?

NYC Coffee

Coffee and paper bags don't mix. It doesn't make sense at all.

Customer:"My coffee fell on the ground. It leaked and the bag broke!"

Well, what did you think was going to happen? It's paper and liquid!

Why can't people in NYC just carry their coffee like everyone else does?

Behind the Counter

No matter what happens in my life, I know as soon as I get behind that counter I can forget about it for a little while.
Of course the troubles never disappear completely.
But I can be distracted for a bit.
Behind the counter everything has its place.
Behind the counter there is way to do things.
Behind the counter nothing changes.
I can depend on my day going a certain way when I'm at work because not much changes from day to day. I can expect certain things:
rude customers
dirty counters
cups falling on the floor
getting burned at least oce
spilling milk at least once (and not crying about it!)
coffee in bags
flat tops vs. sippy lids
cups, lids, sugars, milks, etc...needing to be stocked
employees getting pissed off at the rude customers
the ebb and flow of the day.

It's almost restful to be there, I can go on autopilot and not over think.
And I can leave and not take anything with me, just resume my hectic, sometimes overwhelming life.

Karma

Karma's a bitch.
Don't be mean to your barista or else the twenty you think you brought with you will magically turn into a one when you try to pay for your two medium "not too much milk" with two splendas on the bottom cappuccinos.
The barista will be nice and let you come back later.

Learn your lesson.

Dogs and the Order of Things.

Dogs
Why is it that women with those little dogs, (A) always ignore the big "No Dogs Allowed" sign on the door and (B) are always the most obnoxious customers?

The Order of Things
Barista: Hello.
Customer: Hi.
How are you?*
Barista: Fine, how are you?*
Customer: Good. Can I get a small cappuccino?
Please?*
Barista: Yes/Sure/Ok?etc...
(Barista makes cappuccino)
Barista: That will be (insert dollar amount here)
Customer: Ok. (Gives money, barista gives change.) Thank you.
Barista: Thank you, have a good day.
Customer: You too/Thanks.

The above should be how a normal transaction goes. It's not.
Please see below.

Barista: Hello.
Customer: Small Cappuccino.
Barista: Ok/Yes/Sure/Etc....
(Barista makes drink)
Barista: That will be (insert dollar amount here).
(Customer shoves money in barista's hand, barista gives change.)
Barista: Thank you.
(Customer is already gone.)

*optional

Famous Customers

It's always strange to wait on someone famous.
First, you are excited.
Your hands shake.
You sweat too much.
Your mouth gets dry.
You almost spill hot milk all over yourself.
You want to get excited.

But you can't.
You are there to do your job and the last thing these people want is for their coffee girl to freak out on them.
So you try to act as normal as humanly possible and collapse on the floor the minutes they walk out the door.